Needing and Interceding: Letters to Him-2003

Seemingly silly and sappy little love letters written to my intended 3 years before we met. Baffles me how much God honored my assumptions...

November 2003

Dear sweet lover…servant of the Living God,

I sit here musing, listening comfortably to “Song of Solomon” by Ben Tankard alone in this apartment. I’ve just read a chapter of Authentic Beauty: the shaping of a set-apart young woman. See, I’m learning how to love Christ more by placing Him in the center of my existence.

In the past I have not known how to commit myself to Christ and still be in a loving relationship with a man. Yet this is to your advantage, for God has used this to keep me solely for you physically. But unfortunately my emotional and mental self has not been as pure.

This letter is to tell you how much I’m sorry for not keeping myself fully for you. I’ve been a dreamer all my life…and those dreams have been cluttered by fantasies of loving and being loved by boy after boy…then man after man. It’s just that it took a long time for me to discover that you were going to find me at a special time. I always went out looking for you, and when I thought I found you, I would give pieces of my treasure away.

My treasure is very precious. God put it inside of me. I value it very much and I’ve made the decision to hereafter keep it until I truly am found of you. I anticipate that God may entrust me with more jewels. If He does, I’ll just be all the more blessed.

I’m waiting for you, dear. It’s been difficult for me…very-but I know it’s probably been the same for you.

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My dear tender love,

I don’t know what to make of you. We may have already met or you may still be a mystery to me. At any rate, I desire to get to know you…the question is when. I began to ask the Lord if I could get to know you soon, but it just may not be the time. Especially since I’ve desired to be set-apart for the Lord in singleness and sanctity. I will come to a point in my life where my ministry will be revealed and I will walk in the calling that God has set out for me. I recognize that our callings do coincide because we will reach the masses together. It is just that now is the time for me to know the Lord more. If He sees it fit that we get to know one another at the same time, so be it. I just pray that I can be an enhancement to your life and ministry, not a hindrance…I want to be in the center of His will.

Can I be your sweet, tender lover? God will give me the chance to love on you in a way that you can hardly imagine. Sometimes I wonder if my passion and desire for you is just out of place since we’re not together right now. But I believe that they are God-given emotions especially meant for you. I’ll wait for you, darling, and I look forward to getting to know you.

Love,

tia

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My dear sweet love,

Listening to “Song of Solomon” again. I can just imagine sitting with you…we both gazing into one another’s eyes and sharing tender kisses. I know that I for one desire romance. I am going to wait for you with the understanding that the time we will have together will be far better than my dreams.

I’m going to start praying for you again. My prayer is that God would keep you in the center of His will. I pray that He will be more to you than anything! You will love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, strength, power, might and existence! The Lord will mean more to you than any other desires you may have. And you know what, dear? He will give you the desires of your heart as you delight yourself in Him. Keep seeking His kingdom, baby. Everything else, including me, will be added unto you. My prayer is that God will prepare you for intimacy above any other…Intimacy with God first, then He will give you the ability to be intimate with me. I pray all this in Jesus’ Name.

So baby, we will see each other soon…and we’ll talk.

Love,

tia

P.S. I’m learning to be a set-apart woman. I pray that God will continue to make you a set-apart man.

Needing and Interceding: Prayers for him-2001

There is power in intercession and whether you know the loves of your future or not (your spouse and children) it is a fulfilling practice to begin praying now. It will amaze you that God knows, He hears and He answers. These Prayers for Him written around this time 11 years ago, give me that assurance.

Prayers for him

February 2001

…I lift up the man of my dreams. Keep him Lord from making that wrong move or going that hard way. Make him find his way to You all the time. Continue to give him grace and please let him know that I am patiently waiting and because of that, he should take caution for my sake. Thank You Lord…

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…I’ll voice my prayers over several other things but now (for the record), I lift up the man of my dreams. Keep him whole Lord. May he learn to stand alone with You now and the same for me that when we meet and later join forces to become one, that we would be complete in You. Sanctify him, Lord, for Your mighty work and give me full cause to always love and honor him. Bless him today that he will experience joy and peace today beyond his very understanding. Draw him to Yourself and bless him. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Proverbs 4: 23

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life

I want to keep m heart henceforth. My heart has been expecting acceptance from a variety of angles, but now I declare, in Your power, that my heart must seek You. For me, it is difficult to be sure that what I have been doing is all to bring You glory. I know that Your love for me supersedes my comprehension. But I really don’t get it. I am not grasping this love. It is here; it is real; it is mine- I’m sure of it. But to understand it and to accept it with no physical markers is difficult. I need the special grace to make it through this day knowing and sharing that love with everyone that I know. It really is all about You. Lord, please put life back into perspective. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Father, I lift up the man of my dreams. He is seeking You. He really needs You in his longings and over the decisions he has to make. Draw him close to You. Love him more that I ever could. Give me the grace, Father, to begin acting fair toward him because I’ve failed to do so till now. You know, I’ll wait. Father, please just be by my side as I do so. Whisper powerfully in my ear when I am set to do wrong. Those thin lines and “gray areas”, may I not nudge close to. May all that I do and plan to accomplish serve only to glorify You and not myself. May I exemplify Jesus like tia’s life has been ordained to do- no one else’s. Mine. And may I find joy in You, oh Lord, as I draw closer to the challenge. In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.

Lyrics by tia 2001

Waiting and Wondering: Intimacy with God-2000

Intimacy with God was written in March 2000 during my first year of college, having never been on a date. (It was during the I Kissed Dating Goodbye movement :) It was a time when it was important to depend on God as I waited.

Intimacy with God

Sometimes I wish to be held and kissed by a man.

Yeah this is normal.

And to talk with one and really communicate and look eye to eye and learn from him and listen to him and to offer support his way the best way I can.

I sometimes wish to be in a man’s embrace and be comfortable there.

This is normal.

And to talk like I talk and be who I be around him Yeah, that’s what I want at times.

Well my wish has been grated on the Spiritual realm! Puff! Up and behold my Creator-my Maker, the One who gave the Word and all elements obeyed See the MASTER who declared once that He loved me with an everlasting love and He showed it by a sacrifice. By sacrificing HIMSELF for me? Ah! But the creator, my Master-Emmanuel Himself took His omnipotence and rose again in glory so that one day I could know Him and the power of this His resurrection and the fellowship of His sacrificial suffering.

Now I am held steadily by grace and a promise.

I am kissed by rich blessings of every breath I take. This is extraordinary-nothing like it.

And I talk with Him. I really communicate with God and through the eyes of His very own Holy Spirit I learn from Him and I hear from and listen to Him the best I can and offer praise of which I must offer more and give to him my best.

I often find myself embraced in His peace and no matter the havoc around me…I am comfortable and at ease! This is extraordinary—amazing; unheard of in this world’s mind! Whew! And I talk like I talk and I be who I be around Him knowing that now I represent Him.

Lyrics by tia 2000

Waiting and Wondering: A Rare Treasure-1998

Young and yearning; the teenage years were challenging.

Waiting and wondering; I would turn to God.

He is my Confidante, my guidance and direction.

He is always listening, no matter how silly my banter...

A Rare Treasure was a letter written to God in 1998 as a junior in high school. So innocent and naive I was to believe that HE could have a special love in store for me...only to find that HE truly did 10 years later. HE is an awesome wonder!

A Rare Treasure

…Now, how I feel ought to be expressed at this place and time. Yearning…perhaps needing another person to hold on to, lean against for softness and comfort. Not ready to exploit anything I have but rather seeking to hear and be heard…You know Lord, so constantly I feel this is the guy You are going to bring into my life…You know; the man of my dreams, unique through his precious eyes and his true concern for me. I often imagine his strong hands yielding to the delicacy of a course, beautiful face. You know-his sensitivity! Alright! So I’m dreaming too much! There’s no such man they say…but I say, I am a rare jewel and I will get a rare treasure. An initiator ready to state that he wants to further and deepen his relationship with Christ along with me, one who isn’t afraid to launch into the Spirit and truth of real worship. Umm, the man who will stand persecution for Christ’s sake and spend long hours talking lovingly of Him. He’ll have the sense of when the time is right- alone in moonlight, at the door…at the altar- just one fine smooch to fill my simple desire!

So I think it’s this guy that will pop up to be that listening ear. But, for real, I kind of guess that it really is You. You want Your kids to depend on You for everything…I need to be brought to that place to ask questions and get answers from You alone. Love…sweet love-I’ll experience it first hand from the Savior and if I’m patient enough, He will give me that complementary man that will help me draw closer to Him.

It’s all good-It is all good! You have plans that I will prosper and have an expected end. Your faithfulness is awesome…I thank You Lord. I love You so much.

Love You Lord,

tia.

Lyrics by tia 1998