Four Years a Mom

We started a new tradition this year. An additional aspect to the Birthday Celebration; a time to remember and reminisce. For me, I recall about this time 4 years ago when I began experiencing the pangs of labor for the very first time. I began an experience that some have described to be the worse pain a woman could possibly have. My story was unique as is every other mom's, but as we celebrate my first born child's 4th birthday, I am reminded that it is a pivotal time for me too: I am four years a mom!

We had him on the 22nd. I broke out in lavish praise when I heard his first cry. I could hardly take it all in when I first held him in my arms. We brought him home on Christmas day in a red Christmas bootie that he was given as a gift from the hospital. It was such a time of excitement and joy as family and friends flooded our home with their presence and love. Imagine Tidings of Great Joy meshed with the awe of a brand new son!

I celebrate because my entry into motherhood was stark and real; the reality of holding all responsibility for a newborn was no joke. But I have come to realize that first-time motherhood throughout the entire journey is even less of a joke; for no matter how they came in, they encounter that relationship with you afresh every new day. I find that my first born is coaching me constantly, teaching me what is best and what isn't, what works and what doesn't. He's "The Experimental Child," allowing me to test my instincts and ideas so that those afterward enjoy a smoother ride.

So today, I celebrate me. I celebrate making it to having a bright and intriguing pre-schooler; a young man who will be encountering the real world real soon.

We love you, MM! I look forward to being a better mother as we prayerfully parent you, and we know that you will teach your brother and any others along the way how to be exceptional individuals.

With love and gratitude,

-tia.
12/22/13

INSPIRATIONS!: PCE = xRM

Does this equation look familiar to you?

PCE=xRM

Think back to your Physics and Calculus, or better yet, determine your value for each unknown and solve for "x".

Okay, okay, you don't really have to solve a math equation! 

But PCE actually stands for "Prominent Cease Entertainment," a team of entertainers who are doing great things in the industry, and I use RM today as a shorthand for "Role Models".

So PCE = xRM. But what about "x"? 

Well, consider "x" as the "X-Factor" that PCE presents, an additional, unique and powerful quality. I would like to share further.


My first exposure to The PCE Crew was a long while ago, maybe as early as 2002 when my dear church family, True Vine Christian Worship Center, led by The Late and Great Pastor Arnita Anthony, hosted a legendary Block Party which brought out a variety of talent including PCE, through our partnership with RCCG Jesus House Baltimore. Little did I know that I would begin regularly attending their home church RCCG Jesus House DC just a year or so later as the doors of my own home church would shut.

 

Mayoral citation and avenue title made that very day; the one physical thing that remains...

They were like our very own "Consistent Guys on the Block" as they were always at church and never hard to spot elsewhere. So of course I joined the rest of their groupies in excitement with each new release, including their very impressive modern film on the life of David, D’Comeback. I've watched these gentlemen as they have completed project after project and have consistently been impressed by their continued commitment to the things of God. 

Their new release REWIRED is no exception. It features stellar and impactful lyrics written by The Crew and the lovely Dr. Mrs. Funmilayo Agunbiade as co-writer and contributor. Essentially, as a lyricist, I have got to give them props! First of all, if you're looking for a good excuse to learn a bit of Yoruba (one of many Nigerian languages), this is an excellent reason. If you are able to grasp the power emanating from each ethnic word, you too will be compelled to dance! Several of the tracks add a quick to your step and you'll be hoppin’ even if you don't get the foreign language. But honestly, with the little Yoruba I know, the meaning adds an exponential, exciting leap into the power, grace and goodness of God! This release includes words that encourage you (Tracks 1 and 3 for me), words that compel you to praise the One and Only True King (Track 2 for me); and there is definitely that track where you'll be belting out to God in praise and surrender (that's Track 8 for me; I love it!).

They are not shy about being worshipers. They seem to have decided that they would rather be known as men of God rather than as players or thugs. My kids and I caught up with them at an event some weeks ago and we were one of the first to obtain a copy of REWIRED. As I watched my toddler sons interact with so many astute gentlemen at one time, I began to feel hopeful that when the time is right, there will be young men who have been serving Christ since their youth; who can stand as examples and mentors for them, emphasizing the values that my husband instills in them. I am convinced that PCE is currently leading that set of young men through their influence, talent and public presence, passing on the legacy. It is exciting; it really is.

Posing with The PCE Crew and our copy of REWIRED

So PCE Crew, thanks for being in the public light providing a shining example for future generations! As a mom of boys, I am grateful that you are available as role models.

Make sure you find out for yourself! The REWIRED album is available on iTunes, Google Play, and Spotify; among others. Get yours today!

Sincerely,

Lyrics by tia 2013.

Inspirations!: The CEO Who Dares 2 Dream

(Inspired to Act!)

I would like to share about Ms. Tamira Dunn and her magnificent brain child, Dream Girl's Mentoring Program, an outreach to teen moms.  But first I need to give some background.

You see, Ms Dunn is doing an awesome work. An advocate for youth in the city of Baltimore, while "Building the community one teen mom at a time", she truly struck a cord with me, as I once developed an outreach to teen girls in 2003 in response to all of the teen moms who surrounded me at the time.

Ladies for Signs and Wonders was a faith-based and grassroots self-image and confidence intervention for at-risk female youth, encouraging them to make positive choices particularly surrounding sex, and develop themselves spirit, mind and body. At that time I directed a team of 10 mentors and assistant coordinators in providing an enriching experience for each young lady. The program was implemented for 3 young ladies during the Spring of 2003 and 12 ladies during the Summer of 2003, but since I decided to begin professional school that Fall, all activities ended. Today, I can’t help but hear my dear late and great Pastor Arnita Antony advising me spiritually to continue with the good work back then. Unfortunately I didn't...and the professional school didn't work out either!!!

(Listen to your Pastors, ya'll!)

So you may understand my excitement when I first met Ms. Dunn at The Haus of Silhouette "Fashions Speak" affair at Towson University on Saturday May 5th 2012. This event was meant to raise awareness about domestic violence. Ms. Dunn had a table right next to mine. I got her card and the rest is history, as she has willingly accepted my support as someone excited about her initiative.

Ms Dunn is the CEO and Founder of Dream Girls Mentoring Program Inc. Since August 2008, she has provided one-on-one mentoring, provided resources and education, encouraged career and academic development, and provided several services that impact the lives of teenage mothers. She has done this through several community activities and has partnered with city and state agencies.

Essentially, Ms. Dunn is extremely connected to the community. I truly grasped this fact when I presented "The Education Station" at The Dream Girl’s Mentoring Program Community Baby Shower.  One-hundred pregnant and teen moms registered for this event! If you know me, you know that I had the time of my life educating all of those young women!!! She honestly left many health professionals throughout the city asking: “How did she do it?”

Oh, and then I found out that she is an active member of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Incorporated.  My first thought was "A bajo!" as one would say in the Yoruba language, meaning "No wonder!!!!". Yes, both active in her chapter and accounted for, it is clear that she does what she does not for her own accolades but for the greater good of the community; and at the end of the day, for the glory of God.

When I think of the Five Pearls of Zeta, I believe that she too is a pioneer, a very special Pearl who has begun initiatives that I believe are also predicated on the precepts of Scholarship, Service, Sisterly Love and Finer Womanhood.

In Scholarship, as she propels young women forward toward success; women who have been told that they can not be successful due to past decisions and current responsibilities as mothers. Ms. Dunn is already seeing the impact of her interventions as the teen moms she reaches graduate from high school. Currently a graduate student herself, she applies her academic experience to practice.

In Service, because that is all she does! Serving God through her community; serving many, many people on an individual basis, and collaborating with others through Zeta and several more partnerships.

In Sisterly Love; not just for her sisters in Zeta, but for other Greeks and beyond throughout the community. And of course, sisterly love toward all of the young women she encounters every day, giving them hope and introducing a brighter future.

Photo Courtesy of Dani McCray Photography

In Finer Womanhood, because she reminds me of what womanhood is all about. Nurturing, caring, loving, giving, serving; this is the essence of all her work, and I believe, her ministry. 

Therefore, welcomed and inspired by Ms. Dunn [and also inspired by, in my opinion, the loveliest AKA on earth, my cousin Miss Opeyemi Elizabeth Fadoju (visit her at Floss and All)], I have decided to become active in Zeta again, serving in Baltimore, MD, finally, after about 7 years since my induction in May 2006. I am inspired to act, not necessarily for current gain but for a greater future, I proceed enthusiastically.

Who doesn't want to be a part of something good--and progressive?

So be inspired, friends, family and fans as you are Cordially Invited to ACT:

The Dream for Success School Supply Donation Drive

Begins THIS SATURDAY FROM 12:00-3:00 PM

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Look out for me!

The Grand Opening of The Dream Girls Mentoring Program New Offices 

Where you can meet the staff and learn how you too can get involved.

Looking forward to seeing you there.

Look out for me!

Stay tuned HERE for details on more outreach events including The Back to School Block Party, August 24, 2013. Vendor opportunities are also available.

A Quote from Ms Tamira Dunn:

My passion and vision to promote resources and implement programs for the youth of Baltimore City is what keeps me going. 

-June 25, 2013.

The CEO

A job well done, Ms. Dunn, and congratulations on a bright future of impact and exciting positive outcomes ahead!

-Sincerely,
Lyrics by tia
07/2013

Inspirations: The Way You Make Me Feel, MJ!

Image courtesy of DrAjao

(Inspired to Praise)

The first time I heard my sons' cries, my response was exactly the same.
I mean, imagine that moment when a person doesn't exist and then the next moment they do, and they proclaim their arrival with a strong, wailing greeting.

Praise exploded from my heart at that moment!
Unrestrained and unrestricted praise.
I couldn't have cared less about the OBs, Nurses, Anesthesiology, Techs and others present
I actually couldn't help myself and I couldn't contain it.
Both were amazing moments.

From their first cries till now, my MJ still compels me to praise. I'm sure you know what I mean.

When we look them over...you know, tilt our heads to the side and look real close at their features...
How likened they are to us and/or our spouses?
Fearful at times at the resemblance?
I look at how wondrously they are made and again I am compelled to praise.
"My God! You are wonderful!"

What about how they surprise us at the intricate details and knowledge
That they soak up moment by moment, without our intervention?
We think 'How could someone so small be so smart?' 
When they say witty things, we wonder how this whole person could have come out from us!:
"I am actually a parent! Who would have thought? Thank You, Jesus!"

And when we look at how they are literally maturing before our eyes,
Becoming more handsome and more beautiful, and think 
'What a perfect blend of genes! LORD, You are amazing!

GOD is worthy of all this praise, for HE designed them specially to bring us joy in life.

So my dear children, my MJ, thank you for inspiring me to praise. 

For inspiring me to praise through my example to you. 

Praise through my love and service to you as your mom; 

Through discipline, as I envision the astute men you will one day be. 

Inspired to draw closer to the Lord so that I can teach you the things of God; 

The pleasures of knowing HIM in your youth, 

In being so near and dear to Him that he orchestrates your plans, 

Giving you opportunities that I didn't have

Praise through my work because all that I am today 

Is because you inspired me to do better,

You are the reason my life has changed today, 

Because you inspired me to get off my butt and get out the door to make something happen!

That's how you make me feel, my MJ,

'Cause as another MJ (2009-2013) said:

Oh I'll Be Workin' From Nine To Five

To Buy You Things To Keep you by my side

Enjoy this track with me as a tribute to the MJ we celebrate today.

I remember where I was this day in 2009, MM still in utero and Jojo only a dream

I'm grateful to have them both as a source of joy today.

I love you, My MJ.

06/25/13

Standing (The Test of Time)

Image found here

This Mother's Day, I would like to revisit a piece I wrote in February 2011. It is a tribute to someone that is special to me and to many, many other fine and phenomenal women out there. This is dedicated to that special woman who though she bore no child of her own, was mother to the masses; teaching, disciplining and loving young women during that critical time of adolescence. We love you. Rest in Peace till we meet again.

STANDING

It was a shock when my parent’s decided to ship me off to boarding school to begin middle school (which was referred to as junior secondary school in Nigeria). It was with heavy heart that I parted from friends and family. Worst of all, I was to go to a Catholic school and not cognizant of their ways, I felt I would be a sheep among wolves.

I remember the day that my aunt took me to the campus and presented me to the Principal as her newest student. She was a Reverend Sister. My aunt told me to kneel as is the culture, indicating respect. I would not budge. She asked me again. Like Daniel, with godly defiance, I mentally repeated: “I will not bow. I will not bow.” Then my aunt hit me and pushed me to my knees. Like in a joke I've heard, I determined that though I was kneeling, I was still standing strong in my heart.

I did my best to hold on to my godly principals. I remember singing a song based on Psalms 63:3 for the junior talent show while others shared their physical stats and shook their behinds to a popular song by Shina Peters. These shows were secretly organized by students since the principal had banned them.

Once the Principal, fed up with some extreme religious practices on campus, made a proclamation that all religious material be banished from campus.  I went to my classroom in tears because I had a daily devotional that I loved called Keys for Kids. I went up to her with tears streaming down my face and showed her the book, begging that she would not make me part from it. She took it from me and flipped through the pages. She said that it was fine. I smiled brightly and returned to my classroom practically skipping. I really, really miss those days of strong commitment to Christ; hunger for the Word of God; and pure desire to delight in His presence. If only I could return to that…

On the day that I received a letter from my mother stating that I was to return to the US to continue school, I was sad that I would be leaving the place that I had grown to love. Regardless, my aunt came to pick me up even before the semester had ended. But before I left, I approached the entrance of the principal’s office. When she beaconed me to come, I knelt down at the entrance on her dusty floor and tearfully crawled my way through the expanse of her office, up to her desk. She watched me with tender and understanding eyes. She placed her hand on my shoulder and prayed for me, wishing me the very best. Little did I know that I would truly never see her again in this life.

Rest in Peace, my dear Mother in Christ. I, and the masses of other phenomenal women that you raised, are truly grateful.

2/9/11

Let us all be mothers who make a lasting impact well beyond our lifetime...

God Gave Me Three

Three. Three! All for me.

What glorious treasures my eyes can see!

One is Handsome, the second is Cute, the third is more Beautiful than I can believe

All for me.

Gifts from above

A truly awesome expression of His love

Kisses, embraces and coos galore

What a wonderful world of boys to explore

The first showed me love in choosing me

Opening the doors to marriage and motherhood

And so the second came to be

Giving me the joy of life and enriching my existance

And now with the third, I can't contain the elation

It feels wonderful holding a little one in my arms again!

God gave me three, He knows I can bear

The needs of kings and princes

The cause of visionaries and prophets,

The tasks of trendsetters and lords

He's mandated me to serve and love greatness under one ediface

And to stand even through hard times

Oh for the grace to take on the task!

Oh for the patience to endure!

Oh for the strength to be more than a woman

Greater than i've ever been before.

A calling more challenging than i've ever known

Yet He has given and He says I can bear

To watch these three grow into their own

I must be strong and diligent

For I stand on this promise: 'She will rejoice in time to come...'

May I truly be tenacious,

For you my metamorphosing spouse, my terrific toddler and my delightful infant.

God gave me three. All for me.

Lyrics by tia 03/03/12

Also see God Gave me Two and God Gave me mine

Restrained

I stood for a few minutes soothing my son as he squirmed in his swaddle and was silenced by his "binky". He calmed down shortly, closed his eyes and sucked away peacefully. But for that split second when his eyes widened and looked at me almost in bewilderment, I couldn't help but to imagine what it would feel like to be treated as he and many infants in this country. Is it just me, or doesn't a swaddle look a lot like a straitjacket? And a "binky" (pacifier) sure does shut a guy up! We've got gates and play yards to restrict their movements, some even use collars as they walk with their toddlers down the street.

Restrained. That's just the way it is here. But why do we do it? No matter how limited our little ones seem, we do it because we want to protect them and keep them from harm. It really got me thinking as I towered over my little one and patted him tenderly, speaking to him lovingly and assuring him that all was well. It got me thinking because we too may feel restrained...limited and unable to reach some desires and some dreams.

Take a moment to imagine God looking over you with love, speaking to you through His Spirit to trust Him and believe, that at an appointed time your desire will come. Though it may seem that the doors have been shut, that you've been silenced and that your hands are tied, believe that He has your best interest at heart and He has the power to set you free beyond your limits.Your response? Calm down, let His peace overtake you and rest comfortably in His able arms.

Philippians 4:7- And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus

Food for Thought

I’m sitting here tonight watching my little boy eat his dinner. I proudly watch as he sits at his little toddler table and chair set feeding himself rice with a plastic spoon. It’s hard to tell if he’s a righty or lefty as he alternates the spoon in his hands. He’s grown so much as a terrific 2-year old.

I sit and watch with a lot of thoughts on my mind. As many other young parents, I get concerned about whether he is eating well enough, if he’s getting proper nutrition and if I’m providing him with enough food options. Many times at meal time I begin to panic, wondering what would be the best choices for him, as they do get rather picky at this age. If there is anything I would spend a fortune on, it would be piece of mind about his food!

As he sits here and ceases eating to start playing with the food, I remember my grandmother particularly who would sit and watch me eat as a little girl in just the same way; well, except that she would have a switch in hand since I would never eat. I remember chewing food reluctantly and many times tearfully as my grandma watched me with scrutiny. Thinking over it now makes me wonder what was going through her mind as well. I can imagine her worry as she sat there, her desperate attempts to make me comply and the many prayers she prayed. Her intent was not to force me to eat meals that I did not enjoy but rather to ensure that I was healthy and grew strong.

“Okay, MM”, I say as I stop him from sprinkling rice through his fingers like sand and making it pour all over the table and floor. He falls to the floor and wails in protest.

Terrific.

Food is meant for nourishment and pleasure; may we and our children always enjoy it!

-Lyrics by tia 2012

The Value of Life

I've been thinking a lot lately about what is important in life.

Turns out that many things that were so important years ago won’t even matter any more

I think to myself, when I die will God say unto me ‘Well done thou good and faithful servant. Thou obtained a double doctorate and honors in all of your coursework. Enter into the joy of the Lord.”

Would He commend me for amassing wealth beyond measure and making a name for myself?

Or rejoice over all of the church events I planned, all the services I attended, and all of the “hard work” I put in at the expense of my mandated responsibilities?

Would he consider all the people I ignored on a day to day, relationships I forfeited, people I overlooked…all the grace and compassion that I withheld because I was too busy?

And lately I’ve been thinking of my son, young as he is. What will I teach him about value? If I were to loose him before his time, would I say ‘if only he had done better in school’ or ‘I wish I had disciplined him more’(which by the way happens most of the time because I refuse to pay attention to him and give him my undivided attention)? I think I would wish that I had spent more quality time with him, listened to him more, hugged and kissed him more, taught him intentionally, played leisurely with him—showed him that I love him!

Excuse me ya’ll; I’m going to go play cars with MM. His smiles and giggles definitely make it worthwhile and it is those memories that I will cherish even as I “lose” his childhood and innocence.

I welcome discussion.

-Lyrics by tia 2011

The Secret to Time Travel

Image courtesy of DrAjao @www.DrAjao.com

I sat in my mother’s room, contemplating life as I knew it. There was no money to pay my school fees but as a young girl, I had a burning desire to go to school. My parents were farmers and I played my part by helping to sell the goods. But I knew I wanted to do more. Even though I was a young, poor girl, I knew there was more to me. With time, my parents recognized my longings and against all odds, they found a way to send me to school. God even raised up some very key people to invest in me and make this a reality. With the bare minimum, I stayed focused and determined, and I did complete secondary school. And when my sister died as a teenager due to a preventable illness, I knew I had to make sure such senseless losses were eliminated in my town. So with trust and dependence on God who rose up people of destiny to support, I went on to complete medical school, and further, to build a hospital in that very same town…

The school bell rang as I returned to the present. Deciding what to do with ones life is a challenge and having highly successful parents doesn’t make it easier. Recounting a series of stories my mother shared with me about her childhood put me into her shoes; into her experience. I have so much more than she had, so many more opportunities; how will I choose to make a difference and impact my community? Even now, this blast to the past; so present and real, yet so ancient; stands to inspires me.

The secret to time travel became more real to me presently one afternoon as I was enjoying a refreshing afternoon nap. Making it through that last stretch before I had to get up and approach my evening, my toddler son climbed up onto the bed and commenced to tap me while calling ‘Mommy’ to get me up. In that instant—that space between reality and a dream—my mind whisked back to a similar afternoon many years ago. My mother had just heard the sad news of a loved ones passing and as she lay in her bed mourning tearfully, my 2 siblings and I, no more than 4 and 5 years old, climbed onto the bed and began to speak to Mommy in consoling words. “Mommy? Mommy? Don’t cry, Mommy…” In that instant almost 25 years later, though odd and surreal, I zipped through the past and I am dumbfounded that I am “Mommy” now.

Thus, in essence, the secret to time travel is investment into family relationships. Whether it’s dodging sharp stones as you walk shoeless for that “1-mile” to school or observing your “twin son” become as intrigued by the same classic superheros as you were as a child; and even as you roll that special family heirloom around your finger for another few moments…I urge you: invest in the family that makes these things special. Spend quality time with your little ones: children and god children; nieces and nephews and especially those grand kids. Our prayer is that they will outlive us in years and magnitudes of success. But also keep in mind that our predecessors may not always be around. Take time now to cherish our parents, our grand parents and the wise elderly. Their life and experience is invaluable and will teach us important lessons that will guide us through life and give us the ability to travel through time.

-Lyrics by tia 2011

One thing is needful...

Image courtesy of DrAjao @ www.DrAjao.com

One valuable lesson that I’ve learned as a public health professional in maternal and child health is that a child reaching his or her 1st birthday is a big deal. So you can imagine our zeal as my son and I have been celebrating 1st birthdays back to back every weekend now. With at least one, sometimes two or three celebrations to attend, we’ve had to plan our time wisely as a family. But it is such a joy to celebrate with families whose little ones have reached this milestone.

In fact, the first significant 1st birthday party I helped to celebrate in my adult life was that of my first nephew. Having rented a hall for the celebration, we got there early to arrange tables and chairs and to start the decorations. Several adults were there helping to prepare, and the birthday boy was present as well. As I diligently helped to set up tables and place centerpieces, I noticed that my husband was not helping. In fact, he was sitting down leisurely playing intently with the birthday boy! Obviously annoyed that he wasn’t pitching in, my intentions were to approach him to complain. However, before making those moves, I stopped to consider the scenario more closely.

There and then, it dawned on me that my husband had chosen the principle thing: his focus was on the most important entity in the room! We were there to celebrate my nephew on his 1st birthday, thus, all of the fan-fare, planned activities and logistics were really second-place to the reality that we have a happy, hearty and healthy child to celebrate.

This reminded me of the Biblical account of Mary and Martha when Jesus came to visit (Please read Luke 10:38-42). Martha was busy working, and serving, and preparing, while Mary sat lovingly at the feet of Jesus, taking in His enduring Word. As my husband laughed and played with the jolly toddler, I had to appreciate his choice to focus on the celebrant rather than on the celebration.

So in a way, this is a lesson to all of us adults: in all of the trivial activities and busy work we do, let’s not forget that relationship is what is important; spending quality time with our kids and letting them know of their special significance to us i.e. “being” for them rather than just “doing” for them. But of course, let my experience be another way for you to grasp what the Scripture is emphasizing in the Book of Luke.

I pray for the grace to spend each moment concentrating on what is needful.

-Lyrics by tia

September 29, 2011 5:45-6:12am

God Gave Me Two

Image courtesy of DrAjao @ www.DrAjao.com

God Gave Me Two

(Sequel to God Gave me Mine)

I once addressed you as 'baby' but then a real one came to be

A replica of you with some characteristics of me

Now my sing-songs of ‘baby’ and ‘honey’ could mean either you or he

Two loves in my life; I accept it with glee.

He was born beautiful and transformed into boyish cuteness

Growing in personality and strength

Temper tantrums, way-getting, rambunctious weaving through my arms

He’s filled with laughter, dancing, joy.

His running hugs, wet kisses on the cheek, and leg embraces are heart warming

And so are his ‘up-looks’ of dependence.

Reminding me that I have a child who believes in me.

I confiscate odd objects and particles from his mouth (ick!)

Well now when I ask him at least he brings them out

During walks he discovers leaves and flowers and sticks and stones

Teaching me to slow down and appreciate the simple things in life…

From never-ending games of peek-a-boo

To his fascination with the alphabet and numbers too

Whether painting skillfully with milk from his sippy cup

Or gathering utensils to prepare an imaginary meal

It amazes me how much he learns and how quick he grows.

My heart skips a beat as he falls while playing rough

He gets back up unscathed; I guess he is tough

In a match of tug-of-war I actually have to exert strength to win!

No longer a baby, he’s too big to wrap on my back again

He’s free to learn and explore and cannot be restrained

God gave me two indeed; two loves of my life

To learn to appreciate both in their essence is my daily challenge

But I thank God immensely for these wonderful gifts

And I pray for the grace to treasure them and to receive even more.

-Lyrics by tia 2011

Birthing Stories

So Suzie was 8.9 months pregnant and of course she had her overnight bag packed, her stop watch on her vanity counter, and ice in the freezer. She had one last appointment with the Ob/Gyn before the big day. When she entered the waiting room, there were three other women waiting. She smiled cordially, sat down and picked up a magazine. “How far are you?” said a lady with a rough voice. Suzie looked up: “Um, almost 9 months”. Strangely the lady looked like Rosie the Riveter with a bandana and rippling muscles. She flexed. “I had all 3 of mine natural” then spat in a cup. “It was the worst pain of my life…you should do it too!” Then the second lady with a soft timid voice chimed in: “I had an epidural. They insert a super long needle—I mean that thing was really lengthy! It goes up through your spine and then you don’t feel a thing…until two hours later when your legs get numb and you can’t walk. And I can’t forget the shivers, the nausea, the difficulty peeing, the…

Suzie darted her eyes over to the 3rd lady to hear what horrifying contribution she had to share. Though lost in her own thoughts, the 3rd lady raised her eyes to Suzie’s and stated: “My baby was stillborn…”

Suddenly all of the other forms of pain faded in comparison to the distress that this woman had experienced. Suzie could only imagine how difficult it could be for this woman to be exposed to the joyful plight of others who had at least experienced victory in childbirth. Imagine going through a whole nine months and the extreme effort to deliver, only to welcome silence and incredulity. Suzie went over to her and embrace her tightly, as tears flowed.

As Suzie anxiously awaited the birth of her child, she determined that she would reach out to women who have lost their children either through a miscarriage, a still birth or as a sudden unexpected/unexplained infant death.

-Lyrics by tia 2011


For more information on similar topics, PubMed Ajao TI

To Mom: All That I Can Say

Here's a piece I wrote for my Mother a few years ago. Mommy, I love you and appreciate you. Now that I have a child of my own this is still all that I can say.


ALL THAT I CAN SAY

Nine months in the womb…well, six months for us
With the weight of the world upon you, for there were four of us
Yet you did the Will of God and trained us the right way
Thank you, Mommy, is all that I can say

Through trails and difficulties we were all part of the test
And though things were hard, you knew that God was always present
You’ve been faithful to God even to this day
Thank you, Mommy, is all that I can say

I faced turmoil in my adolescence and trauma in my youth
Those were trying times even when my emotions were aloof
You stood right by me when others would have run away
Thank you, Mommy, is all that I can say

We are all much older now and have minds of our own
Sometimes we do just what we want ‘cause we’re mature and we have grown
But please continue to lead and guide us no matter what we say
We are grateful Mommy; thank you and Happy Mother’s Day


Love,
tia

May 8,2005

Fast Girl

“Get in here”, your mom fumes as she drags you into the house.

“Sit down.” She paces the kitchen floor then faces you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Her intensity leaves you scared and at full attention. (Imagine that your mom is Rochelle Rock from Everybody Hates Chris)

“Sex, my dear, is nothing to play with. Don’t you know that as African Americans we are at a disadvantage? Best know that in 2006, 13.35 out of 1000 of our live babies died before the age of 1; that’s twice as high as the national average! We actually have poor birth outcomes regardless of our income or social status. How do you explain that? Some base it on the whole life course theory. That means that what you do to your body today will affect your generations to come. Talk about the sins of our fathers! And with your hot self,” flicking your hair “you are at higher risk of having a low birth weight or premature child. Can you handle that?

If you think that you’re going to bring some little boy to my house talking about he’s your baby’s daddy, then you’ve got something else coming. Baby, sex is not the greatest feeling in the world: love and respect is! So the next time you feel the urge to chase boys all over the place, tell me!”

Unable to hold back the emotion any longer, she says “I love you baby. You’re all I’ve got and I want the best for you. Okay?”

Still wide eyed and terrified you nod as she heads out of the room. Before she leaves she picks up a bottle and tosses it through the air. You catch it. “And don’t forget your folic acid. It’s important for fetal neural development”.
She leaves the room.

You stand there stunned beyond imagination. I mean you were just playing girls chase boys with your 4th grade buddies from around the way. But you leave the kitchen with thoughts to ponder upon; thoughts that you carry on throughout your adolescence and young adulthood.

Recommendations: The Wonder of Reading

So experts say that reading is great for kids, and that we should start reading to them starting from the belly. So you decide to take your little boy, Johnny, to the library for some time in the books. You walk hand in hand to the kiddie section and flip through books. Through your right ear you hear another mommy gleefully sharing an exciting story with her child.

“The rat took the bat and told the snake to scat!...See the rat? It’s grey. And look at the snake: what color is it? The child answers “turquoise” Mom says that’s right honey. Good job…”

Some weird competitive feeling comes over you. You say ‘Honey, let’s go pick a book. As the imaginary envious parents watch you, you squat to your kid’s level and ask him affectionately,

“Honey, what do you want to read? Want to read about cars,” Picking up a book on the subject. “Or, or what about horses?!

Johnny takes the horse book from you…then reaches up to the shelf above him and knocks several books down. You say ‘Oh Johnny, you want to read all these books? Okay let’s read some and take some books out.”

Clever.

So you take him to a little table and you sit down placing him on your lap. You start to read the horse book together. It was quite nice actually. He would touch the pages and help you turn. Then all of a sudden he starts struggling and manages to get out of your grasp. You take off after him and once you catch him you say

‘Honey, you should have told me you needed to go to the bathroom. Let’s go.”

Ah, the potty trained trick. Good one.

So you go to the bathroom, check if he needs to be changed and head back out.

Johnny spots the play section where there are a bunch of blocks to play with. You go over and he’s fascinated with the blocks. You sit down and watch him.

‘He’s so cute and he’s learning so much’, you think as he knocks two blocks together. ‘And it’s so good to see him playing with other kids.’ You’ve almost got tears in your eyes.

Then Johnny throws a block. You say “Now, now honey, don’t throw”. You smile at the other parents around you. Then he runs his hands along the table scattering towers and arrangements. Clinched tear “Honey, play nice…” You look at another mom: “Kids these days.” The kids continue to play civilly for a while when Johnny grabs a block from another kid. When the kid tries to get it back, he pushes the kid down and mistakenly smacks another. “Okay honey, it’s time to go.” You pull him away as calmly as you can.

Don’t worry, keep it up. Johnny is going to be an avid reader and civil member of society—just not at 13 months!

Based on a true story :p

2011

Recommendations: Baby Talk

So experts say that you should talk to your baby all the time and that no age is too early. This is important in order to develop your child's social and communication skills. So like they say, you hold full conversations with your child.

Scenario.

You get home from work and Suzy crawls up to you. You’re so touched; you grab her up and lift her in the air as she laughs. “I’m so happy to see you too, Suzy. How was your day?”; you ask enthusiastically. You pause. “Really? Well, let me tell you about my day.” You place her in your lap. “So I went to the 7-11 this morning and the most amazing thing happened. I got the last smoked turkey, tomato and swiss cheese ready-made sandwich!” Suzy giggles through her teeth. “I know, honey, isn’t that exciting? I mean it made my whole day! But then on my way home, I got stuck in traffic.” Suzy gets distracted and starts to pull at your hair. You pull it out of her grasp. “Yeah, honey, I did feel like pulling out my hair; especially since the radio station kept repeating a bunch of dumb songs.” Tired of sitting, she struggles to get down, through your arms. You lift her up, back on your knee “That’s right, dear; I weaved my way through those cars down the emergency lane…But then the police saw me and pulled me over.” Agitated, Suzy starts to cry. “Honey, you are so in tune with my emotions!” You place your head in your palm as you pull out a $75 ticket. :/

My Little Big Boy

My Little Big Boy

Cute and inquisitive, attentive and glad
Rolls and tumbles right into my heart
His toothless smile cheers me when I feel sad
His eyes of sincerity erase all the bad
He grasps my fingers and gives a little tug
My heart melts when he gives me a hug
Drool and slobber, coos and babble
Everything goes into his mouth!
He nibbles and giggles and now sits up
Soon he'll choose between the bottle and the cup

He's my favorite audience at our personal open mics
He stares so intently while I read, sing or recite
A grin creeps softly upon his lips
And then he says "deet" and sprays me with spit!
Soon he'll say "dada" to my husbands content
And though every evening and night time is spent
In watching him tumble and rumble and roll
With each playful jabber my heart he has stole
N' he seems oh so quiet around everyone else
Until he comes home and shows his true self!
My happy go getter, my pride and my joy
To him everything near him is his newest toy!

My little big boy, and bigger you'll get
The more you grow older, the more I seem to forget
What it was like when you first came on that faithful day
It's like all those memories are getting away...

6-21-10